Unexpectedly Expected

I’ve been away for a smidge.

My dad passed away quite suddenly on November 11th, Veteran’s Day, after a lengthy illness. He was 60. The autopsy of his brain will most likely prove he had Multiple System Atrophy (otherwise known as Shy-Drager Syndrome) and not Parkinson’s as his doctor believed. Several years and several professional opinions fluctuated between the two diagnoses.

This run down of Multiple System Atrophy about sums up everything. The name provides the quick definition: Lots of stuff goes lots of wrong. My dad had every symptom in that list.

Nevertheless, his passing was not expected. In the end, I think the dangerously low blood pressure was the immediate cause. My dad had a tendency to not do as he was told and sit in his recliner unless he absolutely needed to get up. I just read that sentence again and it just highlights the absurdity of his condition. Sitting in a recliner all day and not moving is not something a 60-year-old man is supposed to do. My dad’s independence and mental clarity were indirectly responsible for his death. I hate that he ever felt trapped by his own body. I am glad that he never surrendered himself to his worsening condition. If someone with Multiple System Atrophy can die with a blaze of glory, I suppose my dad did just that by getting himself up, using the computer, and shuffling about the place with his walker. He wasn’t supposed to do any of that. He was supposed to just sit there and just watch TV or sleep or watch TV or talk on the cordless phone or eat the lunch and snacks my mom prepared for him every day and placed next to his chair.

Of course, there’s the inevitable caregiver’s hollow that comes out in my mom. I suppose you adjust little parts of your life here and there and then, when you don’t have to make those adjustments anymore, you look back and realize just how much you were doing in your day to help.

My daughter and I got to see my Dad twice in October. The last time with Alisa & Co. Considering that my parents live 6 hours away, it seems odd and strangely destined to have made two trips.

It’s strange to be involved in all of the arrangements for a thing like that. I’ve wondered before how I would ever react to one of my parents passing. Now I know.

I know I shouldn’t feel like a schmuck for not being home on my birthday when he called and left me a message. Why he couldn’t have called me on my cell phone is beyond me. I guess that’s another Dad thing I’ll strangely miss: His confusion over the fact that cell phones can be used for more than just emergencies. Now, I’m afraid to clear my answering machine because it still holds his voice. Maybe I’ll record his message so I can feel better about doing so.

Anyway, my Dad liked to sometimes hop on the computer and e-mail people he knew. I put together a computer for him to use a couple of years ago and he really came a long way on it from having zero experience at the start. He liked the various forwards and attachments he received. I’ll put a few up every now and then when I think of it. His favorites included pictures of animals doing silly things. So, here you go:

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 27th, 2005 at 7:36 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.