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That Stinks

I’m a loyal man but, for the first time in several years, I’ve switched deodorants.

My thinking has always been to not tamper with what has been working for me in that area. Recent trips to two different stores didn’t turn up my kind and I’ve taken it as a sign. I’m sure they still make Adidas Sport Fever deodorant but I couldn’t find it when I looked so I decided a switch was warranted.

I can’t bring myself to change flavors every time like some people. Alisa and I were at the store recently and, selecting from several contenders, she declared she was “feeling tropical” and just threw one in the cart. That ain’t my style. This odor will be a part of me for some 6 months. This scent will define my armpits for the upcoming spring warming and into the summer months. When people think “Druzba’s armpit,” they will think fill in scent here. That’s a lot to ask and, as such, I couldn’t live with a fickle toss in the cart.

And so I am that guy that opens each of them up to smell them. Of course, three quarters of all men’s deodorants are variations or combinations of the same three themes: Sport, Phases of Water, or Forces of Nature. Don’t believe me? See for yourself: Colgate. Old Spice. Gilette.

I’m not sure how they come up with the names when the scents are all so similar. It seems to be a fairly arbitrary naming system. “Yeah, yeah, that’s Arctic Thunder Rage and that one, that’s Forest Ice Blast!”

I’d like to see some new names in there. Here’s a few I thought up. Any deodorant company namer people should feel free to totally steal these deodorant flavor names from me without penalty:

Proposed Men’s Deodorant Scents

Ninja Style Force
Meat ‘N’ Potatoes Blast
Kickin’ Corporate Ass Avalanche
Ragin’ Appetite Attack
Women Love Me Ultra

So, my new scent is Old Spice Pure Sport. Not to be confused with Impure Sport or just Sport. My previous flavor was called Sport Fever. That’s right. I kick armpit ass. Every swipe is like “GOAAAALLLLLLLLL!”