jeffery druzba is dreamy

Start ‘Em Young

Why would a three-year-old girl need low-rise panties? According to the Hanes Web site, they have “…to feel right. Can’t be scratchy. Nothing that fits funny. Has to be stylish. No babyish designs. Ignore her wishes, and it will collect wrinkles in the bottom of her drawer. These hipsters, though, easily make the cut, even with her exacting standards.”

Oh, they totally forgot that my baby girl wants to make sure her panties don’t show with all the exposed hip and navel action she’s displaying with the 1/2″ inseam shorts she prefers in the summer. My daughter and her girlish exacting standards.

OK, how about mini-boyshort underwear? They sell mini boyshorts for three-year-olds at the store! Oh yeah, I forgot that my daughter, just the other day, expressed her desire to feel the sexy feel of boy briefs against her skin but in a cut that’s all three-year-old hottie. And to have cheese. What she said to me was, “Daddy, I want the sexy presentation of mini boyshorts and a piece of cheese, please.”

I didn’t think toddler panties came in anything but utilitarian-style and with slogans other than “Like Grandma’s Only Smaller” or “Covers You Amply.” Apparently, I was wrong.

• July 10th, 2006
• Old Man Withers, Raisin'
• 5 comments
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